


cough syrup

by EmmaLuLuChu



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe, Gen, Help, Like Chapter 1 immediate season spoilers, Post-Season/Series 02, References to Depression, Season/Series 02 Spoilers, be warned, everything is so wrong, multi-chapter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-25
Updated: 2017-07-10
Packaged: 2018-09-19 23:16:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9464855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmmaLuLuChu/pseuds/EmmaLuLuChu
Summary: Just another morning at the Galaxy Garrison, save for one tiny problem Shiro realizes.A tiny problem that he cannot live with.





	1. takashi shirogane

**Author's Note:**

> based off the twitter theory about what happens to make Shiro disappear at the end of season 2

_-_

_life's too short to even care at all_

_oh_

_i'm losing my mind, losing my mind_

_losing control_

_-_

Soft light peeked in through the blinds, slowly casting its light through the room, stretching across furniture, clothes, books, until it reached the bed, edging up the blanket to the slack face of Takashi Shirogane.

He breathed deeply, eyelids twitching ever so slightly, likely a response to the dream being created within the realm of his mind.

Suddenly, a gold light more magical than that of the sun flashed from underneath his lashes, gone as quickly as it came.

His face pinched together, an eye forcing its way open as the light from the outside grew brighter, pupil dilating and causing him to groan. He sat up, the blanket falling away as he reached a hand up to rub with his Galra tech ha-

Shiro froze. That did _not_ feel like metal.

He squinted down at his right arm, blinking a few times, eyes widening as he recognized that yes, instead of the robotic arm he'd grown accustomed to, there was his arm. Completely free of scars and burns and a sense of utter _wrong_ clenched in his throat instead of the joy he’d thought would happen.

Shiro quickly reached his left hand out to feel the arm, confirming even further that it was flesh and bone instead of casing and quintessence, and he almost didn't know what else to do but _scream_ , but constant nights of nightmares had trained him not to though. Instead he shoved the rest of the blanket off his legs, standing on shaky feet and moving to the mirror that hung off his closet door.

He could only stare at his reflection, lips in a firm line and fighting off the panic that tried to grab at his chest.

The white hair was gone. So was the scar that crossed his nose. The arm too, of course.

At any other time, Shiro would've been crying for joy, but all he could do was try to fight off the panic attack that wanted to claim him, mind working rapidly,

_'This doesn't make sense we were-Zarkon was weak and I finally had the bayard-we had that flaming sword-how-why-'_

He shuddered and collapsed to his knees, succumbing to the sheer panic and anxiety that roiled in his gut.

_'This isn't possible! That all had to be real! Dreams are never that vivid-or-or-realistic-god what happened to Pidge and Lance and Hunk and Keith-'_

A dry sob racked his body, both hands going up to cover his eyes because they refused to close and he couldn't stand looking at his reflection any longer.

_'Where did they go? Where am I? Why aren't they here? Where are they? Where are they where are they WHERE ARE THEY?!'_

He continued to sit there, letting the panic ride out, stomach twisting itself into knots and his throat going raw, having a complete breakdown despite the peacefulness of his surroundings, the morning continuing as if Shiro hadn't been ripped from everything he knew and loved.

It took a full three minutes before it ebbed away enough for him to finally look again, confusion clear in his eyes when it was still that same perfect reflection that wasn't _him_ anymore.

A knock broke his staring contest, head whipping around to the door, heart jumping into his throat when a familiar voice called out to him,

"Shiro, it's Keith! I left my jacket here, could I get it?"

He didn't even know if he had it, jackets were the last thing on his mind, Shiro quickly scrambling to the door and throwing it open,

"Keith! Thank go-"

This wasn't Keith. No, it was, but it wasn't. It was still the same purple eyes and pointed chin and strong stance that was always him, but he was wearing the Garrison uniform, and his long hair was all but gone, a Garrison approved undercut replacing the affectionately dubbed Mullet Lance teased about way too often.

Keith blinked at his sudden actions, raising an eyebrow at Shiro,

"Y-Yeah? We saw each other yesterday you know."

"What happened to your hair?"

Keith squinted his eyes at him, before obnoxiously rolling them, bitterly responding,

"Oh ha ha, yes, the haircut. Seriously, it's been almost a month now, cut it out."

A _month?_

"What day is it?"

"February 24th, don't you religiously check your-"

_"What year?!"_

Keith flinched, eyebrows now furrowing in concern.

"2117, are you feeling okay?"

The Kerberos mission was two years ago as of February 10th. _Why the hell was Shiro here instead of at the Galra prison?_  
  
Keith just continued to stare at him, worry etched into his face as he carefully reached a hand out,

“You sound really out of it, is it another one of your anxiety attacks?”

Of course the thing that would be the same was mental attacks, just the way the dice rolled for Shiro. He slowly nodded, maybe Keith would offer to stay, and he could figure out where he was and what had happened and try and determine how the hell he was going to fix this.

“You want to just talk? Get your mind off of it?”

Shiro nodded again, taking a step back so this other Keith could walk in, wordlessly going over to sit on the bed.

So for the next hour Shiro put on a face, carefully gathering whatever information he could from Keith, trying not to be too suspicious with his questions, and after he had left he was thankful to see this Shiro still at least held organizational skills, searching through the papers on the desk and checking his holopad for any missing pieces, and nearly had another panic as everything fell together.

Two years ago, instead of going with Matt and Sam Holt on the Kerberos mission, Shiro had dropped out at the last minute. The holopad diary entry that would’ve held his reasoning was locked and encrypted, and he had no hope of figuring out why he’d turned away from the deep-space travel mission. It didn’t matter either way, because the mission was still a failure due to pilot error (which was still bullshit, the pilot who’d replaced him was still one of the best at the Galaxy Garrison) but that meant instead of everything that was supposed to happen during those two years of his lost life, didn’t play out like it was supposed to.

The easiest thing to see was that Keith was still here, instead of hermitting out at the shack in the desert and hunting down the Blue Lion, top of the pilot roster as to be expected and still listened and followed Shiro as if his word was the truth and he could do no wrong, which only had Shiro cringing, because of course Keith trusted him, but never had he spoke so highly or worshipped him, because even his Keith knew humans were naturally flawed and that included Shiro.

That was just the start of the domino effect, because Keith’s staying at the school meant Lance never rostered past cargo pilot. This information had been harder to find, Shiro actually had to find this out through more private school files, but his heart had dropped when he pulled up Lance’s information. He was just barely passing, in testing and lessons and simulations, which made Shiro have to take a step back. His Lance was the most energetic and faithful person he knew, and this one sounded like a total 180 from who he knew.

Hunk had still been placed as an engineer, of all things with this Keith’s crew though. From the way he sneered and complained though, it sounded as if things were rocky between them. This Hunk was constantly calling his choices into question, and 85% of their simulations failed in communication skills between the two because they would constantly argue, and not in the way he knew his Keith and Lance would. It almost seemed as if this Hunk didn’t so much as look at this Lance either, their friendship failed when they had been separated and that had hurt the most to learn.

What took the cake was Pidge though. Apparently Pidge _hated_ Shiro for whatever reason, likely the Kerberos mission if he used deductive reasoning right. Shiro didn’t blame Pidge, she was probably angry for him not going on the mission, maybe blamed him for them not coming back (and it killed him because he would do anything to have that mission go right, even if it meant he had to stay in this backwards world for the rest of eternity), but it all bothered her enough to actively hunt him down and harass him about it, if this Keith’s words were anything to go by, and was why he had asked about him having an anxiety attack.

Everything had been turned on its head and Shiro felt as if he was drowning. His team was disconnected and hated each other, and Shiro wanted nothing more than to go back to where everything made sense, and even looking down at his unblemished body made things worse, only reaffirming what was now his new reality.

Wait, reality. Slav had talked about alternate realities. About the infinite amounts and possibilities (still didn’t mean he forgave the alien for being as picky as he was about every little detail) and ways each could develop.

He looked back into the mirror, wishing he could at least have the comfort of the body he had become accustomed to, mind grabbing at possible solutions.

Maybe there was a way to get back? Most television and movie tropes he remembered that involved alternate realities and universes dictated there was _always_ some way to go back.

Shiro mentally prepared himself as he got dressed, still in disbelief that he was wearing the Garrison uniform once more, and studying quickly over the schedule pinned up on his corkboard detailing where he was supposed to be going, and cross-referenced it with all the schedules of Keith, Hunk, Lance, and Pidge.

Whether it was making things right between his team or having to haul all their asses out into space, Shiro was going to fix things here, and get back to his home and family, and he’d go kicking and screaming if anyone tried to stop him.


	2. lance mcclain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Then he blinked, it was easy to imagine the gears working in his brain as he processed what he saw, and then pure awe broke cross Lance’s face, blue eyes lighting up as if stars hid in them, and started to stumble over his words,
> 
> “O-Officer Shirogane, you-I-“
> 
> Suddenly a dour look crossed his face, dropping his saluting arm to rub at the other one,
> 
> “Did one of the Commanders send you?”
> 
> It took so much for Shiro not to bolt forward and scoop Lance into his arms. It was a night and day difference between this Lance and his, clearly things weren’t a good outcome for him in this reality. He shook off the feelings, saving them for later, and instead put on an easy smile, trying to put as much warmth in his voice as possible,
> 
> “Just Shiro is fine, and nobody sent me, I just wanted to meet you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this is a different way of posting i'm going to try. normally i try to do a lot of plot per chapter but, but i'm seeing if doing smaller bits like this will work more in the long run.

-

_these fishes in the sea they're staring at me_

_oh oh oh oh oh oh_

_a wet world aches for a beat of a drum_

_oh_

_-_

If there was anything Shiro was grateful for, it was his skills in planning. The entirety of his time at the Galaxy Garrison, the Galra prison, and leading Voltron had built up his ability to create plans by the seat of his pants and have excellent chances of succeeding.

So Shiro came up with a three step plan, one that Lance would probably codename _‘Form Voltron!’_ or something goofy like that.

Step one: Find out problems between Lance, Hunk, Pidge, and Keith.

Step two: Become a team again and bond.

Step three: Find the Blue Lion, get into space, and to the Castle of Lions.

Best case scenario: Step one is enough to trigger Shiro going back to his own reality, although it would only leave things better between everyone.

Worst case scenario: None of these trigger sending him back, leaving Shiro in this alternate reality instead of his true one, but at least Step three ensures that Voltron still comes back and stays out of Galra hands.

There was far more running in his mind, all the other tiny things that could cause problems, but he was _not_ going to let himself panic about that, he refused to get to the obsessive point that Slav had reached. Overthinking things would only complicate everything, and he need to keep his eyes on what mattered most; getting home to _his_ team.

That started with the first step of the plan, which involved hunting down Lance.

Shiro walked down the hallway he remembered passing through every now and again, containing the classes for everybody who was assigned to cargo ships. He carefully counted the room numbers, slowly coming up on 113-B, door closed and Shiro hardly able to see anything through the small window.

He stepped off to the side, this learning period would be over in a few minutes, and then he could meet this version of Lance for the first time. Later on he would try to find Hunk, and though she probably didn’t want to see him, Pidge. Keith would be the easiest to find and understand a bit more, and decided he was the last one to gather intel on.

Shiro couldn’t help but feel nervous as the time ticked by, constantly thinking back on what he’d been able to pull up on the future Blue Paladin. He knew that his Lance wasn’t the most enthused about being a cargo pilot when they’d first met, and had proved time and time again how much he excelled at space and combat piloting, but the drop in grades and reports of concern that teachers had filed for this Lance worried him far too much.

The toll of the period ending rang out, doors along the hallway opening and eager students spilled out from the rooms. Almost all eyes were on him, and even though regular chatter of leaving a class filled the hallway, he could tell the whispers apart from everything.

“Is that Shirogane? What’s _he_ doing in the Cargo hall?”

“He’s always in the other halls, with that wannabe trailing after him!”

“Holy shit he’s built.”

“I still can’t believe he isn’t in a relationship. . .”

He kept a neutral face, keeping eyes out for only one person, but he definitely didn’t like what he was hearing.

Before he’d ever gone on the Kerberos mission, Shiro _always_ visited every hall in the Garrison, he was fond of everyone and knew each role mattered, and he was having bad suspicions about who this version of him had been.

Shiro instantly straightened up when he saw a familiar head duck out of the room he’d been watching, carefully moving after him, but making sure to keep his distance to observe.

Despite only seeing his back, this was definitely Lance, the same body and hair Shiro could tell apart from anyone. A bad feeling settled in his gut though, as he watched him walk. Although he was on the taller side, his shoulders hunched more than they needed to, his arms looked to be up and crossed instead of loose and swinging, it was the walk of somebody who didn’t hold confidence in themselves and it honestly scared Shiro to see him like this.

The crowd began to thin as they left the hallway, making it out into the main hub of the school. Here was where the main simulations were performed, and led to the entrance of the Garrison, along with all other halls that featured different sections of intergalactic travel they taught.

Shiro figured now was as good a time as any, readying himself for whatever response would come, and called out,

“Hey! Cadet!”

Immediately Lance jumped, whirling around with a look of confusion and fear in his eyes that he’d _never_ seen from the Cuban before, quickly moving to the standard salute,

“Yes officer-“

Then he blinked, it was easy to imagine the gears working in his brain as he processed what he saw, and then pure awe broke cross Lance’s face, blue eyes lighting up as if stars hid in them, and started to stumble over his words,

“O-Officer Shirogane, you-I-“

Suddenly a dour look crossed his face, dropping his saluting arm to rub at the other one,

“Did one of the Commanders send you?”

It took so much for Shiro not to bolt forward and scoop Lance into his arms. It was a night and day difference between this Lance and his, clearly things weren’t a good outcome for him in this reality. He shook off the feelings, saving them for later, and instead put on an easy smile, trying to put as much warmth in his voice as possible,

“Just Shiro is fine, and nobody sent me, I just wanted to meet you.”

His gloomy stance slowly lifted away, disbelief making his eyebrows lift up and mouth go slack,

“You. . . wanted to meet _me?_ ”

Shiro nodded, gesturing towards him with his Galra ha- _real hand_. Real hand.

“Yeah, I had something to ask you, concerning Hunk.”

He hated seeing his face constantly switch from happy to sad, but this was necessary information, sounding a little lost as he responded,

“Oh, uh, sure. I guess, I haven’t really talked to him in a few months though . . . I don’t know how big of a help I can be.”

So it was true. When the rosters released, they had drifted apart. Unwittingly an image of his Hunk and his Lance went through Shiro’s mind, smiling and laughing as they fought against him and Keith with those spore balls, whooping in joy as they power-kicked enemy ships effortlessly, remembered the way it felt when they connected, as if he was drifting in cool and clear water when the sun shined down and warmed it up.

“But-But I can try!”

Shiro smiled, heart aching just that little bit as the memories faded away, masking the pain with a chipper tone,

“Any help would be appreciated! Could you maybe talk with Hunk? He’s the engineer on Keith’s crew, and as of recently things between them has started to escalate. Just see what his side of the issue is?”

Lance bit his lip, but nodded anyways, slightly jerking it forcefully.

“Yeah, I think we have the same free period. How should I get back to you then, when I have the information?”

“Just ping me on my holopad, what’s your ID? I’ll send you a message so you know it’s me.”

Lance looked at him as if Shiro had asked him to move in together and become the best of friends, his voice fighting off a quiver as he listed out his ID that consisted of his last name and a series of numbers. He put in the number to the holopad he carried, smiling when the ID brought up the photo paired with it, confirming it was Lance’s. He sent a brief message, looking back up at Lance and saying his farewell,

“Thanks, Lance. I’ll see you around, alright?”

He went to nod, a look of confusion flashing across his face and suddenly asking,

“How’d you know my name?”

Shiro nearly swore, having to stop himself because instead of the classic earth terms he had been set to use quiznak, which would raise _a lot_ of questions that would be harder to explain than knowing Lance’s name before he knew him.

Luckily he came to the realization himself, scoffing and waving a hand in the air,

“Right, right, me giving you my ID, duh.”

Lance brought his hand up to his neck and rubbed at it, quietly responding to the original farewell with his lips slowly going into a grin,

“Okay, yeah, see you around.”

He watched the other walk away, a very noticeable pep in his step that hadn’t previously been there, allowing himself to frown once Lance had disappeared.

Shiro was _really_ worried about this Lance. There was something up and there was nothing he could do until he could figure out the others and start the process of fixing the connections between them all. He set off towards the simulator, tucking the new information away and preparing to see what became of this realities Hunk.


	3. hunk garrett

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shiro breathed out a sigh, watching as the cabin doors opened and the crew filed out, Keith storming out first with a cross look, Hunk following after with a grimace, and the poor girl shuffling out and looking like she was about to cry.
> 
> “Alright class, what went wrong in this simulation?”
> 
> Hands shot up, the teacher picking through them one by one and allowing them to speak,
> 
> “The engineer called the pilot’s directions into question in a manner that was disrespectful!”
> 
> “Communications officer failed to intervene and break up the in-fight.”
> 
> “The pilot yelled at his crew, although one of them was puking into the engine hatch, but a pilot must always keep a level head.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's almost 2 am but i like sprinted to finish this chapter just b e c a u s e

_-_

_if i could find a way to see this straight_

_i'd run away_

_to some fortune that i, i should have found by now_

_-_

By the time he got over to the simulator, the crew simulating was already in and doing their ‘hyper-jump’ to reach the destination for the mission. Shiro glanced at the screens that provided full view of the crew from each angle, relieved to see that Hunk was in fact here, definitely already looking just a bit queasy.

He gave the smallest of frowns when he saw this Hunk’s head free of the usual headband he wore, that little detail enough to remind him how backwards this reality seemed. Shiro shook it off and instead observed from his spot at the back of the class, eyes moving over to the pilot camera, seeing this Keith’s face firm and voice commanding,

“Start exiting hyper-jump, coming out by Pluto and setting the final course for Kerberos.”

Immediately a look crossed Hunk’s face, and started to argue back,

“Wouldn’t it make more sense to come out by Neptune? It’ll be a bit longer but it’s more streamlined than having to loop around Pluto’s gravity to exit it.”

Keith furrowed his eyebrows, stating again with a harder edge to his voice,

“ _Start exiting the hyper-jump_ , we come out by Pluto and get to Kerberos from there.”

An audible grumble came from Hunk, muttering about it being too late to come out at Neptune anyways, the ship’s screens showing the surface of Pluto before them. As Hunk had said, Keith did have to loop before the ship left the planets gravity and Kerberos came into view, the pilot noticeably frowning in frustration.

“Send a message to the crew that sent the SOS.”

The girl who was the communications officer squeaked, having been quiet and tense at the squabbling between Hunk and Keith, reaching up and to relay a message and that’s when Shiro noticed the simulation teacher pressing at a button, and winced for whatever would happen next.

The cabin suddenly shook, alarms blaring and notifying the crew that the engine had failed and needed maintenance. Keith kept the ship from going into a nose-dive, barking at Hunk,

“Get to the engine and fix it! Stat!”

Hunk’s face was pinched together in agony though, starting to turn just a bit green as he groaned, Keith full out growling,

“ _Hunk! Engine!”_

The engineer finally seemed to snap to attention, quickly making his way over to open the hatch that led to the engine, fumbling around. The communications officer kept on warily glancing over at Hunk, paling a bit herself, relaying the ships readings as Keith struggled to keep from outright crashing, until a very audible sound of puking filled the cabin and the pilot smashed a fist onto the dashboard,

“ _God dammit Hunk!”_

They crashed, and the screen went black, ‘mission failed’ in red letters blinking across the screen.

Shiro breathed out a sigh, watching as the cabin doors opened and the crew filed out, Keith storming out first with a cross look, Hunk following after with a grimace, and the poor girl shuffling out and looking like she was about to cry.

“Alright class, what went wrong in this simulation?”

Hands shot up, the teacher picking through them one by one and allowing them to speak,

“The engineer called the pilot’s directions into question in a manner that was disrespectful!”

“Communications officer failed to intervene and break up the in-fight.”

“The pilot yelled at his crew, although one of them _was_ puking into the engine hatch, but a pilot must always keep a level head.”

“All are correct, this crew has clear balance issues and they need to be worked out _if_ they ever want to see deep space. Go change cadets, and get the next crew in!”

Shiro quickly and quietly stepped away, making sure that Keith wouldn’t see him, waiting until Hunk walked past and he could reach out and tap him on the shoulder.

The engineer spun around, eyes wide until he got a look at Shiro, and instantly he adopted a look of indifference, crossing his arms.

“Oh, what are you doing here?”

Shiro froze for half a second, the clear disdain towards him actually getting him at his core. His Hunk was normally so open and welcoming and to be shown the same face and be looked at like this was akin to a punch in the gut. He regained his mental footing, flashing a kind smile despite the unwelcome reception,

“Sorry to bother, I just had something to talk to you about.”

He raised an eyebrow at him, squinting at him as he cautiously asked,

“What reason would you have to talk to me? Doesn’t Keith complain about me to you every day or something?”

Shiro sighed, hand twitching as the urge to rub the bridge of his nose was felt, itching to trace along the . . . scar that wasn’t there.

“It definitely doesn’t have to do with Keith, you know Lance, right?”

Hunk’s face immediately fell, his crossed arms dropping and his stance going tense, as if ready to run at a moment’s notice,

“Wait, Lance? Did something happen to him?”

At least Hunk caring about Lance seemed to carry over, which left only one other question, why hadn’t their friendship continued despite being on different crews and still holding concern for each other?

“Not necessarily, his teachers have been noticing he’s been skipping classes. I overheard it from Gartner, and I remembered that you’re both friends, right?”

Maybe he had ended that with a hopeful tone to it, Shiro couldn’t help it, he desperately hoped that he’d be proven wrong, that they actually did still talk with each other in this reality and his original assumptions had been false. He frowned as Hunk sighed, a hand running through his hair as he responded with a hint of sorrow,

“Yeah I guess. . . but not since we got placed on our crews.”

Shiro almost didn’t want to believe it. How could this have happened?

“Why do you care so much anyways?”

He was once again taken aback, seeing that Hunk was fixing him with a suspicious look, and couldn’t stop himself from suddenly blurting out,

“Why wouldn’t I? If something’s wrong with him, shouldn’t people be concerned?”

Hunk groaned, dragging a hand down his face in frustration.

“Of course! Did you hit your head or something? Since when have _you_ ever cared about anyone but yourself, and maybe Keith?”

Shiro was stunned to silence. From the incredulous tone to the clear anger on this Hunks face to the accusation, he didn’t know what to think or how to respond.

“Whatever, I gotta go change, probably gonna get yelled at because you held me up.”

With that Hunk left, shoulders tensed and walking quickly, leaving Shiro to gape in confusion for just a bit longer. The little bit of concern he’d had before had now bloomed past being a simple bud. Concern for the state of Lance and Hunk, concern for the interactions he had with Keith, concern for how this Shiro acted.

Now place that with the all-consuming fear for when Shiro would try and talk to this reality’s Pidge, who firmly hated his guts for one reason or another and wouldn’t hesitate to speak her mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't know how i'm gonna survive writing the next chapter


	4. friendship?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He turned back to the chart, swallowing thickly to try and help get the words out of his dry throat, his despair sinking even further at admitting the rank out loud,
> 
> “Cargo. Officially a cargo pilot.”
> 
> A large and warm hand began to rub at his back, in an effort to ground Lance and to offer comfort. He let his head drop, not sure if he could look back up at Hunk as he started to speak,
> 
> “Sorry, I know that was the last thing you wanted to be placed as.”
> 
> Hunk continued his motions until Lance straightened up, shooting him one of the smiles he had taught himself to use, fake and perfect and enough to fool the people around him, his friend now looking at the charts himself to scan for his name. Immediately he frowned, squinting at the names.
> 
> “Guess we’re not on the same crew, I’m not finding my name anywhere under the cargo roster.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> picture me laying face first on the floor and screaming. basically encompasses my feelings on this chapter also maybe don't pay super close attention to the school structuring i went with for the garrison???

_-_

_i'm waiting for this cough syrup to come down, come down_

_-_

_one year ago_

_-_

 

Lance McClain: Cargo Pilot

Lance continued to stare at the ranking board, the culmination of almost a solid month of testing the new recruits of the Galaxy Garrison in order to place them on the paths for their future. It had been slowly updated as time went on, daily testing affecting the rankings and caused ripple effects no matter if you were the highest or lowest, and the final testing had finished just this morning and he’d bolted as soon as he woke up.

He’d had dreams since he was nine and would lay on the cool sands and stare up at the sky above that one day he’d be up there, that older Lance would be out beyond the Milky Way, finding new planets and meeting new species and _making something_ of himself and that single line among many had just broke it all.

People came and went around him, viewing their results and leaving like they had gotten exactly as they’d wanted, knowing they were giving him looks but Lance could not for the life of him pull it together and act normal.

Maybe all of his hopes had been riding on this, that all the work he’d put in to focusing and studying and making perfect simulations would be enough to prove his worth, that everything would finally fall into place and he wouldn’t feel so _alone_ anymore, that he’d finally have something to use when his depression hit and made him think there was nothing left. That single line that determined his future had crushed all of it.

“So, where’d you place?”

He turned to his right, blinking at the sight of who had quickly become a friend of his upon entering the Galaxy Garrison, the bright presence of Hunk not even having an effect on the fact that things were quickly falling apart around Lance.

He turned back to the chart, swallowing thickly to try and help get the words out of his dry throat, his despair sinking even further at admitting the rank out loud,

“Cargo. Officially a cargo pilot.”

A large and warm hand began to rub at his back, in an effort to ground Lance and to offer comfort. He let his head drop, not sure if he could look back up at Hunk as he started to speak,

“Sorry, I know that was the last thing you wanted to be placed as.”

Hunk continued his motions until Lance straightened up, shooting him one of the smiles he had taught himself to use, fake and perfect and enough to fool the people around him, his friend now looking at the charts himself to scan for his name. Immediately he frowned, squinting at the names.

“Guess we’re not on the same crew, I’m not finding my name anywhere under the cargo roster.”

Lance did his best to keep his breathing even and calm, fighting back the thoughts of _he’s going to leave you_ and _you’re not good enough to be on the same crew_ and reassuring himself because Hunk was different than all those people from before, following Hunk’s finger as it traced along names until it reached the one being sought after,

Tsuyoshi Garrett: Deep Space Engineer

“Oh, well, guess we won’t have the same classes.”

Lance’s blood almost ran cold.

_That’s always how it starts. Some reason comes up and you can’t see them as much-_

“But we’ll see each other at other times, right?”

He glanced at Hunk, hoping that the utter fear he felt was coming across as a look of worry and nothing more, and the other blinked before flashing him a bright smile,

“Yeah, I don’t see why not! We’ll probably have free period or lunch period together, hell I’ll find some way to see you.”

_They said that before too-_

Lance grinned and playfully elbowed him, letting out a small laugh as Hunk yelped and rubbed at the spot,

“Exactly what I was gonna say dude, we’re like, bros for life now.”

Hunk rolled his eyes and glanced back at roster, brown eyes roving over the entire crew line up, when his face suddenly fell and he groaned.

“Oh my god, I’m with _Keith._ ”

What. Lance turned his head back to the chart, eyes frantically looking for Hunks name again and letting himself take in the name listed above it,

Keith Kogane: Deep Space Pilot

_Shit._

“He was fine at first, but then that Shirogane guy started talking with him and now it’s like, he thinks he’s better than his own peers!” Hunk sighed and ran both hands through his hair, not seeing the flash of panic on Lance’s face. The new recruits hardly knew each other very well but if there was one name everybody remembered it was Keith’s. He came in and immediately wowed the teachers with his skill and drive, but had lacked in social activity which was definitely not a problem now that the Garrison’s golden boy had taken him under his wing.

Lance would trade places with him in a heartbeat, the only real downside would be lack of friends but if that meant Takashi Shirogane was by his side then he would give it up without a single thought.

“Well, I guess I better go find my crew. Meet up at lunch?”

Lance nodded, turning his head to follow Hunk’s back as he left, trying to shove down the stupid fear that maybe this is the last time they would ever interact with each other.

 

Hunk generally didn’t plan out things very well, unless it came to things he enjoyed, so of course his decision to apply for the Galaxy Garrison was not well thought out. When his family had pointed out his intellect with engineering and the possibilities with it he’d simply shrugged and went with it.

Because of his general mindset of going with the flow he never worried too much about friendship. He had plenty that came and went and he never viscously held on because Hunk honestly thought that there were never any deep or meaningful connections to be made.

Maybe he’d also been burned a couple of times by them, given a taste of what could be only to have it denied right to his face when the smallest issue came up, but it wasn’t a big deal. Sometimes it was better to be by yourself.

Except when he’d walked into the Garrison for the first time and met Lance.

He seemed to be the exact opposite of Hunk in many ways; he was constantly throwing himself at people and trying to make friends, was always filling the air with minor topics and being loud about it, and even down to the colors they each wore (always muted blues and greens and bright yellows and oranges).

But somehow they always wound up seeing each other in their temporary shared dorm, spirit down and hiding from the world for their own reasons, and so that was how they found friendship.

For the first time in forever, Hunk actually felt like he had finally found a true friend.

Then the roster was released and it all shattered.

Maybe Hunk had been worried when he saw the way Lance looked more defeated than usual, remembered the way Lance talked about the stars and the galaxies like they were a second home, had tried to reassure the both of them with promises of always finding a reason to see each other.

It started the way it always did, Lance would mutter that he had an assignment to start on or someone to meet and ran off before Hunk could even so much as _speak_.

Then came the promises, the _maybe next time_ or _soon, okay?_ he’d been told hundreds of times before, but it stung worse hearing it come from Lance.

Eventually came the outright avoidance, ducking his head just when Hunk saw it out of the corner of his eye, disappearing out a door just as he called out to him, acting as if there was never anything said between them and _it **hurt**_.

Maybe Hunk was tired of playing this game, tired of trying and only getting kicked, tired of being shunted to the side and left alone for almost his whole life.

Maybe for once he wanted someone else to feel hurt and it twisted his gut and made him want to be sick just like on the simulators.

Maybe Hunk was never meant to have anyone there for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so a little update and talking lmao
> 
> THANK YOU SO M UCH TO EVERYBODY WHO'S COMMENTED!!!! I'm sorry to not get to responding because my life is always constantly in a tail spin? Like in a semi-good way? Basically I've been in the process of moving since November and i'm currently at a hotel because people didn't do their jobs and I am Tired
> 
> I will get to responding to comments asap (got a hotel room p much to myself tomorrow oh yeah)
> 
> Again just. thank you so much for the love given to this fanfic, i can honestly say that this is the most i feel that a fandom has pulled through to support creators (and just. maychorian. thank you omg i love Boom Crash and i was literally crying when i saw you recced two of my fics you are a godsend to fandoms)
> 
> i will be honest the next chapter will probably take a bit (due to just figuring out how its gonna work on top of irl stuff lmao) but i'm so excited for where this is going and hope you're prepared for even more pain and angst
> 
> (u can also hit me up on luluwritesthings.tumblr.com or uh. lemme know if there's fanart??? it seems farfetched but getting recced and this many comments was p farfetched for me lmao)


	5. pidge gunderson

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shiro took a deep breath, looking back over at the holopad he’d chucked onto his bed, glinting at him in the late afternoon sun, almost mocking him.
> 
> So new plan: search the holopad for information, use whatever other means of resources he had afterwards to fill in the holes, and start developing a strategy to fixing his team.
> 
> Apparently Shiro used up the last of his luck escaping the prison, and even then that was because he happened to be picked by Ulaz.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> le me: *picks up this story where it dropped to the wayside* baby pls don't be mad i'm here now
> 
> shout out to yet_intrepid for providing some writing advice that helped me with the writing block i had!

_-_

_life's too short to even care at all oh_

_i'm coming up now coming up now_

_out of the blue oh_

_-_

Directly approaching Pidge was a definite no-go now, because of how this Hunk had acted so coldly towards him, who knew how this Pidge, who held a vendetta against a Shiro who didn’t go on the Kerberos mission, would react to him. The encounter with this Hunk had been bad enough, and Shiro loathed the thought about having to start acting like this Shiro, but he’d seen the trope of people being contained for coming off as different than they normally are far too many times. All that would do was lead to total universal domination by the Galra.

So Shiro decided to wait until much later, eventually going through the schedule his version had in this reality (which mainly consisted of working as a teacher’s assistant or making sure the ships they had were in top shape), working out a new plan to gather the information he needed on the future Green Paladin.

His brain kept running in circles as he planned, and eventually he resorted to writing down his thought process (probably not the best idea to leave evidence but he’d deal with that later) because maybe seeing it in words would help more than trying to think it through.

It was weird to write with pen and paper and his words were sloppy but Shiro could make do.

_directly approaching Pidge-out of character for this version of me, and would only cause problems that can’t be fixed_

_observe from distance- risk of being seen, ~~may be in character for this Shiro?~~ Gives more for Pidge to be upset about, harder to help in long run_

_break into locked diary entry- could damage pad, ~~encript~~ encryption also makes it harder to read. Would only understand the pov of this Shiro and not this Pidge_

_find file on Pidge- will not reveal needed info, likely a fake identity created like my Pidge had done_

Shiro groaned as he sat back in his chair, running both hands (skin and what should’ve been cold alien metal) over his face, sitting for nearly a half hour puzzling over this was wearing down on his overworked brain. There was no way to talk to or learn more about this Pidge that wouldn’t involve letting his cover go or have him doing something he would rather not do.

He couldn’t stand the thought of just sitting and doing nothing either now. He hadn’t taken a chance to really read over the entries on his holopad, having only scanned through them for necessary information, maybe the best plan was to not confront and try to gather intel in a safer way?

It felt like the tiniest defeat, to accept that this Pidge was likely going to try and toss him over her shoulder and loathe Shiro no matter what he said or did and knew it wasn’t because they were sparring but because _he really was in a different reality_ and if he gave it anymore thought he was going to panic like this morning and that was not a productive use of time.

Shiro took a deep breath, looking back over at the holopad he’d chucked onto his bed, glinting at him in the late afternoon sun, almost _mocking_ him.

So new plan: search the holopad for information, use whatever eother means of resources he had afterwards to fill in the holes, and start developing a strategy to fixing his team.

Apparently Shiro used up the last of his luck escaping the prison, and even then that was because he happened to be picked by Ulaz.

He’d pored over the access screen for another half an hour, trying everything he thought that the password could be. Kerberos, his birthdate, his parents names or birthdates, his first dog and his first toy, but by the end he had nothing to show for his struggle.

Shiro pushed himself away from the holopad, standing up to pace back and forth as he ran hands through his hair. He felt like one of the androids featured in funny gif compilations, poised and ready to spring into action, but all that happened was failure to launch and a sad drop to the ground. The walls were too close, they were reminding him of the prisons, and it didn’t help that he was having the same feeling of hopelessness grow in his chest. 

“Come on come on come on, you need to stay calm, wherever you are, you’re _not there._ ” He hadn’t done this since he was in the prison, but maybe he could ‘talk’ to somebody? Pretending someone he knew was in the cell with him and having a conversation, even one-sided, always managed to bring down his anxiety and panic. The first person he thought of was Pidge, and while that idea stung Shiro took it anyway.

He shut his eyes, focusing on imagining his Pidge in his mind’s eye even though it made his heart hurt and yearn for familiar people, his imaginary Pidge gave him a sigh as she pushed her glasses back up her face,

_“This is why I do all the tech work Shiro, which includes hacking into other systems. Granted it is alien tech, which is a bit more niche than human technological advances. As advanced as we are, there's no topping Galran, Altean, and especially Olkari tech."_

He could feel it working, his shoulders relaxing just slightly and the furrow of his forehead melting away. He focused more on his Pidge, thought about the glint of her glasses, her ruffled shirt, her messy hair that she still cut short even while fighting in space. She continued on, now pacing back and forth as she started to launch into a rant that she seemed to be familiar with, a finger pointed for emphasis,  _"I can’t tell you how long it took me to perfect video feed bypassing, and it’s a good thing I mastered it in time for Beta Traz so I could find Matt-“_

Shiro blinked his eyes open as the distraction made him realize the solution to his problem. This Shiro’s Garrison ID allowed him access to the current security camera feed.

_And the entire backlog._

It was ridiculous how much his fingers were shaking as he went through the holopad’s apps, grinning ear to ear as he was accepted into the security system, but this was probably the most successful he’d been in his endeavors since he woke up this morning. His smile softened as his Pidge flashed into his mind’s eye again, giving him that wide grin she wore when they shared a secret.

“Thanks Pidge, even when you’re not here, you still find a way to be great.”

With that he dove into the archives, sitting on the floor and switching the holopad to project a larger display so he could scroll through it faster. He started with the date of the Kerberos mission launch, he could always come back later to do more searching, for now he needed a better understanding of this universe’s Pidge. He carefully combed through all the video logs, stopping once or twice as he saw this version of him caught in the feeds. The difference was. . . unnerving. True to the whispers he heard earlier, this Shiro never went near much of the other halls, or anywhere really. He kept to himself, never stopped unless it was to talk with a teacher or higher-ups, and the only one he seemed to let into his bubble was this universe’s Keith. Even then it looked awkward, like Keith was trailing after him in the hopes for something. Maybe reciprocation? Acknowledgement? Whether those were the case or not, it still rubbed Shiro wrong. Shiro was a leader, but he never would make himself isolated, or isolate others.

Soon he finally found what he wanted, and it wasn’t pretty. The video was dated a year, three months, and one week after the mission failed. The videos from the week were littered with the pop of hair fluff that Shiro knew as Pidge hair through the many crowds of students, and now he watched as the fluff bee-lined after where this Shiro and Keith disappeared into, the hallway that lead to the building where the students roomed at.

He quickly switched to the camera from that hallway, cursing under his breath as he realized the audio there was completely off, a flashing red mark in the corner indicating that the audio input was damaged. So Shiro sat back and waited, stomach churning as the image of this Pidge finally showed up at the opening of the hallway, a tight, angry look on her face.

Her mouth opened in a yell that caught this Shiro and Keith’s attention, pausing where they were in the middle of the hallway to glance back at her. He couldn’t tell if they were saying anything to her, but it was very clear Pidge still wasn't happy as she began to stalk down the hall, mouth still open wide and talking, maybe still yelling, but now he could see that this Shiro had tensed up pretty badly at the approach. Keith moved in front of him to try and block Pidge, his hand moving to grip onto something attached to the back of his pants, under his uniform. Pidge eventually came to a stop, right where Keith held a hand out to keep her back, their unheard conversation abruptly ending as a door slide open and one of the professors ran out, clearly demanding what was going on. Keith or this Shiro must’ve said something since the professor began to walk over, Shiro wincing as they gripped Pidge tightly at the bicep and said something before pulling her down the hallway, definitely towards Iverson’s office.

Shiro had to pause the feed, hands gripping the carpet he sat on so tight that if he had his robotic arm, he would’ve torn up the threads. He couldn’t stop looking at the frozen face of this Pidge, looking over her shoulder at this Shiro with a look of pure rage that he had only seen on his own Pidge when Keith had claimed she didn’t care about the universe, when she had tried to leave Voltron. This anger she had, and to direct it towards this Shiro. . . he was almost glad there was no audio feed. He may not be able to handle whatever it was this version of him had done to spawn this rage.

He pressed play, simply to make sure that nothing else happened in the feed, but as Pidge and the professor finally left the hallway, he saw movement from this Shiro.

He turned his head to the side, likely to say something to Keith, but he looked down and tensed up again, a hand snapping out to grab the one Keith had holding the thing under his uniform, Shiro gasping as the item was pulled out, just enough for him to see.

_Keith’s Blade of Marmora._

Keith flinched as attention was drawn to it, eyes flicking down as it looked like he got verbally chewed out. Eventually he nodded, lips moving as he responded and Shiro could make out ‘sorry’ and ‘hide it’.

They separated then, this Shiro turning and continuing his path down the hallway with a look of unease on his face, Keith staring after him before he looked down at the knife in his hand, sheathing it back in the hidden holster before he followed after him again.

This was a lot of information, and left Shiro with more questions in place of the answers he needed. It was better than where he was before though, and gave him a second resource to look through.

Keith had sent a message earlier asking if he could stop by to go over some coursework later in the day, and it was nearing the time Shiro had said he could come by. He could maybe gather some more information on what was said in that interaction with Pidge, and maybe ask about the blade too. He allowed himself to smile as he quickly tidied up, making sure to keep it organized like he had found it this morning.

Shiro finally felt hopeful and confident in what he was finding. He was that bit closer to getting back home. Back to his  _family._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. Last update was in. . . February?
> 
> whoops lmao well i have good reasons
> 
> As stated in the notes from last chapter I moved! I'm currently in the new house I moved to!!! Me and my family are all settled in and everything : )
> 
> Another important thing to share and what has mostly had my attention was my Voltron Gen Big Bang! It's been a real process of love with that story, and I'm SO EXCITED to share it! My best friend is my beta for it, AND I HAVE POSSIBLY THE CUTEST ARTIST WITH THE MOST ADORABLE STYLE EVER DOING ARTWORK FOR IT!!!!!! here they are here g o give them l o v e or prepare yourself for giving them love: http://teicakes.tumblr.com/
> 
> I'm also applying to zines when I can! I'm currently applied to Eternal Eclipse and Dark Matter, a Dark voltron zine and a Kuro-centric zine! No promises on me making it in, but they're both going to be such interesting zines and the people running them have been wonderful and helpful and either way I plan to purchase them once they come out!
> 
> I've also just had a big creativity boost thanks to the fandom and show itself, despite the ups and downs with some of the fans, i've never been more inspired or motivated to want and do all these different ideas! I have one that i'm planning to do audience participation with and I hope y'all will read and give it a chance!
> 
> i think that covers everything? i'm also going to try doing more fic updates/posting announcements on my twitter @LuluBabblesStuf starting with this fic!
> 
> thank you to everybody who has subscribed and is still eager to see this story continue! i hope this continues to keep your interest!!

**Author's Note:**

> i'm dying squirtle


End file.
